So...it looks like I only have 4 weeks left until sweet baby Ivy arrives. Of course, that's according to the calendar. I have a feeling I'm going to go past my due date. I guess only time will tell. She's still carrying pretty high, but she is also running out of room! My wedding ring is starting to feel...not tight...but tighter. And my ankles are starting to blend into my calves just a little bit. (But my sister in law painted my toes the other day, so I still enjoy looking at me feet!) :) My heartburn is of course out of control, as are my chocolate cravings! My dad is almost done making her a cradle, and her crib is being shipped as we speak! So, all in all evidence shows we are close and ready! And as ready as I feel physically and materialistically, I felt an emotion last night that I haven't felt before...
I cried myself to sleep last night thinking of my sweet husband and how I wasn't ready for anything to change between us. I felt like I wasn't ready to share him, and I wasn't ready to be shared. Is this a completely selfish emotion, or is it okay for me to feel this way? I'm so grateful for this miracle, and we have been looking forward to welcoming her into our family for a long time, and I already feel a mother's love toward Ivy...but I am simultaneously sensing a tiny bit of anxiety as I see the days slipping away knowing that soon our lives will be changed forever NEVER to go back to the way it was. Maybe I'm not as good with change as I thought. I know that a baby doesn't have to change things for the worse between you and your husband, but what things can I do to make sure they change for the better? Are these emotions just pregnancy hormones? Does everyone have them? *sigh* I'm trying so hard to enjoy the present and not ruining it by living in the past or in a future I can't predict...but my anxiety is getting the best of me. Am I making any sense? I hesitated sharing this, but I feel maybe there are some of you who can offer some advice... I'm sure this will pass, but until then...
Saturday April 7, 2018
6 years ago
8 comments:
sweetie, I felt this emotion with EVERY single one! :) Seriously! I remember when I was about to have Quinncy, it was no longer just that I didn't want things between Aaron and I to change, but it was, this poor 2nd child, who I could NEVER love as much as the child I already have, and poor Connor who is going to have to learn to share me, etc. It's always scary, and really, I think it's just the unknown. It's always scary. I do distinctly remember having that same fear before I had Connor. I promise that this change can bring you and Robbie closer! As you watch this new tenderness in him when he holds her or when you catch him just gazing at her with wonderment, there will explode more love for him than you thought your heart can hold! And when he sees you looking exhausted, with your hair not done and having not been able to take a shower yet, he'll realize that he's never seen you look more beautiful than right then with Ivy in your arms. Just look at it as a journey TOGETHER. Will it be harder? Yes. Will you have to make an extra effort for each other? Yes. Will it be worth it in every way? of course!! And that's the point of it! ;) It's all what YOU make of it! And I know you and I know Robbie, and you guys will make this an awesome thing that will make you become closer. Try not to worry!
You just wait.....you'll see ;)
Completely normal my friend...I as well felt this (and am starting again to feel that way) with every one! I know this might sound crazy, but having this sweet Ivy come into your life will make yours and Robbie's marriage even stronger and happier then it is or has ever been..hard to imagine I know, but it really will! It still is important to make a huge effort for 'husband and wife time' or the baby does seem to take over sometimes..but that looks like it will be easy seeing how in love you two are. Just remember that before there was an 'Ivy', there was a 'Kara and Robbie.' It truely is amazing how much more you fall in love your spouce when you see them being a parent to your sweet baby, amazing amazing.
I'm so excited for you and that it is now the countdown until parenthood!
Oh Kara, I too cried myself to sleep at 8 months pregnant trying to explain to Jeremy through my broken sobs, "...it will never be just the two of us..." and "...what if we grow apart?" I couldn't have been more wrong. And even though everyone will keep telling you that it will only bring you closer together- you just won't understand what that really means until she arrives....you'll be pleasantly suprised, I promise.
Kara, We need to talk!!!!!!!! Love mom
Hi Babe! I can't believe you have less than three weeks till your due date! I hope you are doing well. I am so excited to meet your little babe. I have to agree with all the other women who've commented also. I'm so excited for our little boy, and we've waited for so long, but sometimes I get scared too. I hope everything goes well when Ivy does come, and I know you and Robbie will be such wonderful parents. I'm coming to Boise the weekend of May 9th. I know if you've had Ivy by then, she won't be very old, but I'd love to see you, Robbie, & Ivy. Let me know if you're ready for visitors that weekend, or if next time I come up would be better. Love ya!
Kara dear...I missed out on what you and Robbie have been able to share between the two of you with our suprise pregnancy 1 month after we were married. But once Ivy comes it will be like she was always there. Like she belongs and it just wouldn't be right without her. Matt and I often talk about the time we will be able to share with one another after our kids are grown. So besides having kids and enjoying that, you will be able to spend that alone time again with Robbie. Will it be the same??? no. Most likely it will be so much better because of the joy that children bring into our lives and the special bond that will form between you and Robbie as you raise a celestrial family. Your emotions are not out of line. I love ya!
P.s. I still have a baby gift for little Ivy as I pulled a Sarah Tolman and got heavily into my day before I realized the day I was living was the same day you had your shower! and I was so sad that I had already missed it but I would love to come and visit after Ivy comes so that I may spend some time with the both of you:-)...
Don't worry, we've all been there. Things definately change with a new baby, but it is a good change. It is hard to share and be shared, but I actually think my capacity to love my husband has increased since we have had our kids. I see the way he and I both love these wonderful little children and I can't help but feel even closer to him. Good luck! You are going to be a pro at the whole newborn thing, I know!
I totally understood how you are feeling, it is so and exciting all at the same time. If you were completely selfish and self centered your life would never be the same, but since you are loving and kind and just an overall GREAT person your life will just get better. Does that make sense?! I started praying before Lily was born that I wouldn't have any regrets or that I wouldn't have cold feet at the end and that I could feel only love for her and Heavenly Father truly blessed me with all that I had asked for. I was worried that I might have some baby blues or something that might make me have negative feelings but I didn't. Praying really helped.
love, Megan
You'll do great!
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